Fridays...

I remember when I loved Fridays!

Now that's changed.

For some reason, ever since I got back from my mission, I have hated them. There just no fun anymore. You can take every other day into account. I love Sundays, Mondays are really great, Tuesday is always good even with work that night, I get through Wednesday just fine, I enjoy Thursday with my rm class, but I never get a nap in before work, and Saturday always turns out good. But Friday... I'm always exhausted, lonely and depressed. It just all comes down so hard on my shoulders and I shake at the pressure. I feel left out. Today I shouldn't have. Emma and Wilson invited me to go to Ender's Game, but I wasn't conscious when they asked. Mom and Dad invited me to 5 Guy's for dinner, but I didn't feel like it for some reason. Now I'm kicking myself. I guess I needed the sleep, but I don't like how useless I feel when I'm so exhausted. I hate not having a purpose in my life. I hate not having friends to just chill with. I've never wanted to do absolutely nothing more! I hate not having a car. I'm searching and nothing is coming through. I keep getting beat to the cars I want.

Well life goes on.

I'm rolling with it.

*Pick up, blow off dust*

Ha. I'm on a blog again. I'm really strange sometimes, but I feel like the internet can be that friend you don't have.

In all honesty, I just don't want to waste journal pages complaining about being depressed.

Being a returned missionary gets lonely.*

I'll survive though.

Most likely.

Editor's note: Wouldn't it be awkward if someone actually read this.

*You can basically insert any word right before this one that denotes something to the effect of "very" and it will be true.

Well, I guess it's time to have fun. Or do my best at it. It's a beautiful snowy day and I don't want to waste a Christmas preparation day being sad. So, as they say, I'll just fake it until it's a reality.

Tot straks, eh.

Reeeeeal quick little thought:

So... you ever watch two and a half seasons of a show then decide that a main character looks like a pretty good friend of yours? It makes the show awkward realizing the most attractive character looks a lot like a girl you know. Especially since the girl you know probably looks nothing like the character, but resembles her so when a fleeting thought of her flashes through your subconscious and you immediately think that girl you know must be as attractive as the character. It is weird! Haha but slightly exciting... oh well!

How High Is This Cliff I'm Running Off Of?

I feel like I'm running up a hill.

I've been going at it since I was a young child.

I've been working up towards it.

It's kind of like a mountain with a cliff.

That's life eh?

All my life, working for two goals:

I'm now a BYU student--living the dream :)

I'm almost a missionary--leven het droom :)

...

...

...

Then what?

I'm achieving my life's goals.

I don't know how high I've run up this mountain.

It's foggy and I can't see down!

So when I hit the edge, will I have further to go?

or will I have a long ways to plummet?

I'm kind of afraid I'll go into depression.

Mountains have false peaks.

I can't wait to begin the next ascent.

Open the curtains on act two.

Begin watching my life's Empire Strikes Back or The Two Towers.

But right now, I'm destroying the Death Star.

Or maybe I'm facing the Mirror of Erised.

That would be exciting to still have six more periods of my life (Hehe only a guy could use that like that ;),) that continue to escalate in excitement!

Harry Potter doesn't work for my metaphor.

I'm leaving the Fellowship.

This is the very best part of the first part of my life.

I'm fulfilling myself!

I have no need to fear!

The second movies are both the best :)

No Ewoks or non-scary and moreover less epic battles!

But I don't need to familiarize myself with the new world and the story.

I know most of that now.

Oh boy this is the most epic blog post to-date :)

Anywho, I realized I watch too much of that show "How I Met Your Mother" when I blogged about it yesterday and when I said "LEGENDARY!" too much.

Screw it. Gotta go finish season two!

It's not like I could be sleeping though. Seriously. Forza Motorsport 4 comes out tomorrow and I am psyched into oblivion.

Love you all!

Really. You are all great.

Adieu

Left of the Center

Thank goodness this post isn't about my political views!

I just felt like splurging all my girlie attributes for some reason. I know a very good friend of mine thinks I blog for her, but she's wrong! I highly and thoroughly enjoy blogging :-) I also like playing with girls' hair... mostly because I can pretend someone is scratching my head :-) but still! I also thought it'd make me better friends with another friend :-) yeah I also like watching tv shows and chick flicks for the whole love interest parts. I get giddy! I know my loyal readers, who are hopefully all female, enjoy it, but I feel rather gay quite often cuz of these things! Anywho, I ought to say some big strings of big words to sound a little bit tougher. By the way, a few of my favorite literary quips are using repitition of adjectives (eg big strings of big words,) and using two adjectives at a time. I picked the latter off of Earnest Hemmingway, may he rest in peace.

Hmm...

I'm thoughtless. Giddy on affeministic ecstacy, happy with hopeless romanticism. I'm so weird. This will definitely be one I think about before posting!

I had a thought today!

I also enjoyed the Amazing Race! Now three of my four least favorites are out! w00t lol

I need sleep. Forgive me!

Niall out

[No Title]

So... you know how things are all awesome when you get tired? Yeah dreams are so awesome cuz you're so tired that you're asleep!

You know that feeling when you're exhausted but full of energy? Like in limbo of unconsciousness and hyperactivity? It's a bit annoying.

You know when you have a great day that is ruined by one thing? I like to try to move past those and just remember the best.

You know how sometimes you feel hopeful and then see something exactly the same and realize it's probably false hope? It sucks.

You know when everything seems to be going right but you remain more or less unhappy? It also sucks.

You know when you feel that feeling of immense happiness that trumps all other feelings and makes your day so much brighter? It's found in Alma chapters 59-61. Those are incredible! I read them while at work.

You know how it feels when you actually don't have enough time? I don't think I do, but I feel like my mom is trying to take advantage of a couple of not-too-busy hands before they're gone.

You know that feeling when you take a step back and realize you have a great life? I do. It's great!

And now for something totally different!

I recently began to watch Star Trek! Well, I got a job as an independent contractor assembling little clippy things for my neighbor. I get paid $0.20 per unit and average around $8.40 an hour. So it's cool! But I started watching Star Trek: The Original Series while working on these things! That show is freaking deep! I realize much about myself while watching it. Plus it has the basis for almost every Science Fiction thing ever! Even Jedi! And Inception and Serenity. I absolutely love it and would recommend it to anyone and everyone who I'm friends with.

So the Forza Motorsport 4 Demo came out yesterday and I was playing it today! As much as I'm excited for it, I was kind of disappointed by the demo. However, I was worried when I bought it's predessescore that I wouldn't like it cuz of the demo and guess who's played it for like 120 hours? (Hint: he's the only one that can't spell the word "predessesor" properly on this blog.) So I remain excited :-)

I've been meaning to write about this box of sentimental stuff I have, but I'm a sap when it comes to reminiscing and stuff so I refrain. I'll sum it up:

I have a box I throw crap to remind me of the past in.

There you go!

I learned something about myself today! But I don't feel like elaborating.

I decided, while at work, that mixing Cherry and Diet Coke works for me.

I daydream about my dream job a lot. I should daydream more about the real job I want!

The best thing my Dad had done to raise me and my siblings was to embrace our little quirks. When I was 11 or so, he gave me the article that changed my life forever. It's about how  daydreamers are set up for good success because they envision themselves as something until they become something. That basically created the uninhibited daydreamer you know and love.

I don't only daydream. I don't just sit around, pace, stay in the bathroom, or lie awake daydreaming. Meh I guess I mostly do that... but my parents have walked in on me dancing by myself a few times lately.

I find solace in personal thinking.

I will stop rambling now.

This has been a nice b-log. Not like Bob Lablah's Law Blog, but close! Anyways, goodnight my loyal followers.

Just FYI

I was basically absolutely blown away by the Choir's performance of "I Believe In Christ" today. Like I'm still in awe of it! Probably my favorite hymn. Anywho, I've been meaning to blog about a box full of memories I've got. So I might do that tomoorroo.

Also, on impulse I bought a laser just like a friend of mine's... and an HDMI cuz I saw it on the website for way cheap! $30.23 down the drain! Oh well. I've been making extra income lately so I'll be okay!

Story!

Ahh so real quick I need to get a dream I had and modified into a mind bending story on paper! Or not paper... okay here it is.

So there's a boy living with his mom. His dad died a while ago so it's him, his brother and his mom. There's some guy at his house and they're going to do an interview thing for some job. There are some other people over going to do the same interview. The interview goes well for the boy and bad for the other guy. Later that night, there's a knock on the door, the younger brother goes to answer it and is murdered. This causes the madness! A little later, the protagonist touches part of his house and it all begins to transform into little marbles and fall and disappear until the house is gone. They move, but where they move the protagonist can't see anything and everything is just an eerie white like they're in an asylum and assumes he's dead when his dead grandmother comes and says that his little brother will be well taken care of. One day, he sees a light in a high cupboard! He climbs up there and finds something awesome and a note. It's from his mom, but he doesn't realize. The note gives him a simple task for the next day, and if he does it he'll receive the reward! So he does it and recieves the reward. This continues to happen until his world is filled with all lights and colors and he is pulled out of the insanity caused by losing his family!

I thought it was an interesting dream!

Veel Groter.

Well, I decided to be nice and clever with the title :-) It's actually Dutch for "much larger." Here's why it's clever:

An old German proverb goes, "fear is what makes the wolf larger than he actually is." I submit that is a falsehood. The thing that makes the wolf much larger than he actually is, is your imagination. The main source of human fear. If this was reworded to say, "fear is what makes that snarling, ghastly noise sound like it's a wolf, which would probably be larger than a normal wolf," it would also be wrong! It's not fear. It's night! I recently traversed up the stairs and into my room during the middle of the night, and I swear, I haven't stepped on more twigs, had stickier feet, had louder mechanical doorknob parts whirring, had a louder drum pounding, or had creakier matress springs being in my house, ever. In reality, I doubt it was loud. It's just the lack of other noise that provides the ever so stark contrast. How come it's not like this when I'm home alone at noon? The world may never know. But I would hazard a guess at all the additional ambient noise--the songbirds, the distant cars, the schoolboys and schoolgirls, the keyboards, the lawnmowers, the vibrations--that keeps it noisey. I'd like a Decibel-o-meter to see for myself. But it's not that important eh? One nice thing about the amplifying properties of night's lack of sound is an increased space for thought. I think more clearly en el noche. But again, all the lurking variables, the extraneous causes, the unaccounted reasons keep us from knowing exactly what it is. Whatever it may be, I like it. In fact, I'm probably addicted. That's why, secret though it may be, I love this time of day. Speaking of thoughts, I enjoy musing on the fact that, due to absolute oppositions, everything is just a lack of something else. But is it? Can you really say love is just a lack of hate? Or is love like a folder of words; does love include patience, courage, care, willingness, unconditionality? For the latter, it is the absence of impatience, cowardess, indifference, stubborness, stickleness. But is it the absence, or the presence of those in other things that create this? So one thing we've learned from this ramble, albeit brief, is that night expands and allows for more to happen. There's no end, no path, and no point to these thoughts.

I looked at het Boek van Mormon briefly. It's basically 675 pages of z's and k's and double-letters. I'm just going to keep it around--not read it. Although it'd be nice to have a headstart on Dutch when I learned it, trying on my own would be like starting the Kentucky Derby with your horse's nose in the dirt.

Alas, the tides of the infinitely alternate reality sweep upon me. I shall reunite with this reality in five hours, or peradventure sooner depending on the speed of my physical and metaphysical regeneration.

Adieu.

New Friend. A Novel.

Do you ever regret making a friend?

Well...

I appear to regret making a friend.

It's a friend I kinda started getting comfortable with right when school was getting out.

Now we're quite familiar.

I regret 9 out of 10 visitings with this friend.

Sometimes it's nice, sometimes I feel stupid.

I'm actually with this friend right as we speak.

If this weren't a metaphor, I would hate this friend, yet love this friend. What a jerk! But alas, this friend is a large portion of my life. What a contradiction!

Anywho, I'm calling the hour of 1 AM my friend.

Yeah... I don't really like every time I'm with this friend!

Let's not meet again for a bit, k?

I am a little more creative around this friend of mine though...

Actually, my favorite blog posts are from like 3 and 4.

Whoohoohoo!

Update: As it turns out, my best posts say 1:something but were actually at 2:something. So there you have it! If you want to have an intere-stinger version of me, get to me at around 2:30!

P. S. Is it just me, or am I kinda poetic? Meh... it's probly just me.

And now for something totally different:

So I've really been getting into some stuff lately like the Price Is Right and a computer game and an XBox game, which I've been real into for a long time but just bought a steering wheel :-)

I've recently discovered that a life with responsibilities and accountabilities is much more worth living.

I'm kinda in the mood to watch some silly British humor, but oh goodness... do you ever think you hear someone moving in your house, but can't tell cuz your keys you're typing on are noisey? It freaks me out.

Continuing the first thought, it's late and I ought to sleep.

So I'm kinda writing up a novel here! I'll have to change the title. I'll italicize the new part. [Turns out you can't italicize titles. You cannot ititlecize. But I tacked on the "A Novel." Part cuz it's like a joke about how all books nowadays are subtitled with that. I find it silly. Silly middle aged women, to whom those books are targeted. Everyone knows almost-nineteen-year-old-boys are the best target audience. Especially for shooting-related or explosion-oriented stuff.]

I'm really hungry and have to... run an errand... but my dad's a light sleeper so I think I'll try to sleep a little harder.

As always, I absolutely love all my readers, some more than they think, and bid all of them, strange or familiar, a pleasant MWT night.

A Quick Sentence, Followed By Some Thoughts.

I'd have to say, nothing quite beats having a best friend :-)

I really do have a good life.

I do stupid things, by doing harmless things excessively and repeatedly.

I'm not afraid of the future, but I'm afraid of adjusting into the future.

I lie in hopes of helping people. Which can be accurately taken in two ways.

I overthink things.

I find loving easier than hating.

One could say that I struggle to float down a stream.

I'm egocentric in an egocentric way.

I've discovered proverbial thinking to be moderately pleasing.

I am human despite what I want to believe.

I really need to update my defininnietion of "Niallism" with a spot about how the counterintuitive nature of paradoxes is relaxing because of what it means. Like that abnormality creates normality and keeps life going. It's the whole insane-sane concept. I could go on and on and on but probably cuz it's late, as usual...

Maybe...
            ... my blogging's correlation with it being late is saying something about me blogging...

Oh well I enjoy it. Except when it asks if I'm sure I want to post.

But I've addressed that.

Lates!

P. S.

The Blogger app I use always asks if I'm sure I want to publish...

I always go straight for yes, then think if I made the right choice while it's publishing...

My future life plan

So I've made an amendment to my life's plan. Instead of a silly car like a Honda S2000 or an Acura NSX, I'll get a 1968 Datsun 510. Then I can love my car but girls won't think I love my car too much!... hopefully...

I've just recently taken an interest to them. And I have a physical profile for that special girl who gets me and my 510. Maybe I'll share it.

So I had this crazy thought today... does anyone read my blog??

Another life idea: work for a big company. My dream is to work for Boeing or Lockheed-Martin. That's cuz my dad's work has just been going through spins and it bothers me. He works at a very small company and I guess everyone he works for is crazy. Oh well. He's pushing for a $12,000 raise, which would be so helpful.

Thinking about it, everyone we regularly home teach is crazy too... maybe they aren't the crazy ones...

And on that bombshell, goodnight!

Fix to "Monkeys and Wrenches" or whatever!

This goes in that <> part and is totally unrelated. Watch "Dance Party Friday - Ice Ice Baby" on YouTube I hope it works!

Priesthood and prayers

I have this problem where I experience massive amounts ofh pain every now and then. There's no pattern to it and it comes suddenly. Last night was a night where this happened. I actually have undergone surgery to repair this. The surgery was very successful, but not 100%.

I justh fely like I ought to bear the world testimony that there is nothing quite like going from a panicked, painful writhing to a calm, peaceful sleep because of the power of a father's priesthood blessing and prayers. I'm feeling better because of it. There have been so many experiences in my life where I have been blessed by the priesthood. So, if my dad reads this somehow, thank you.

Love, Niall James

Goodness!

Sooooo....

Last night I hooked my car battery up to a charger. I had put my wallet on top of the Pathfinder. Today, people drove the Pathfinder. My wallet fell off, naturally. Some very very nice people found it and stuff fell out put they picked it all up! They were worried cuz I only had five bucks in there and they thought some fell out and I would think they stole it! And then they followed my license's address right to my house! They wouldn't even accept those five dollars as a reward! Goodness, the goodness of some people is so admirable :-)

If those people happen to be reading this, thanks a billion! :-)

Monkeys and wrenches

So, it's been a bit! But not too long eh? I went and saw that movie tonight called Rise of the Planet of the Apes. I thought it was totally legit. In fact, too legit; <>. But I really enjoyed ze müvë. I have to watch it again. That's cuz when I see movies, I see it for pure entertainment the first time, then I look for underlying themes and what not. So I'll have to do that. It seems like a interpretation might be, (about that movie,) that covering up something greater because it is different will ultimately break out of the zoo and kill you. Ja ja so I took this lil fraulein and she thought we were goin to see The Help *bleeeeccchhh*. Jk I wanna see that. But we didn't and she actually ended up hating this. She didn't wanna go in ze first place! But I made her come. She got shoes prior to the movie. I think when I'm married my wifie will buy her shoes alone. Now we sit in my truck. My beautiful, Canadian, 22R-E powered truck. It's a masterpiece, simply put. However, all good things come to an end. For example, batteries! I basically have to push it to kick it up every time. So I envision myself as a pro golfer, while parking, and look for all the slopes so I can get it to roll and start. I gots ta gedda new battry! Anywho, please forgive me for this awful post. Love y'all! Jk that's weird and girly. Not that blogging is masculine. I'll stop. Adios!

A wheek in re-view.

So... it's been another week! I did some edcitemebt. And hab a culd.

So Monday night: midnight. I went to Cassady's house and then we went to climb Mount Timpanogos! So we started up at around one o' clock. We hiked and hiked and got lost a couple times and ended up not making it and giving up. I want to summit eventually though! What struck me the most in the hike was the beauty of the mountains; the sheer massive size of the mountains; the wonder of the outworldiness of the mountains. My breath was taken.

Oh P. S. A couple got engaged at the sunrise on the mountain. How sweet!

So on Tuesday, I watched TV.

On Wednesday I think I don't remember... but then I went to a party at Cassady's cuz she's off to college! I'll miss her. She's just one of those friends ya know? She's one of the few that I could just accidentally talk to forever. Basically, she's awesome. I'll miss her. It doesn't seem like we were together enough, but it seemed like we had an... explosive or nuclear or magnetic friendship. I enjoy her :-)

So then we had Thursday and I went to a show with Vanessa and it was something called Comedy Sports and it was killer! Then I had shaved ice for the first time in my life!! :-) Yumm!

It's Friday and I worked and went to a movie and now I'm watching the Late Late Show! Woohoo I love it!

Anywho, I've decided I'm going to get a poster board and call it my dream board. I'll put ideas I've got on it so I don't forget them! Like I plan to drive an Acura NSX after I graduate with my Bachelor's and I'll give my kids an investment-type allowance of 1000 bucks. Then never give them more! Should be good eh?

N e wayz, I'm off to dream land!

Mexican Coca-Cola

So last night I went to a friend of mine's work party! It was pretty fun, but I was probably going crazy! I don't know what it was, but everything I ate made me soooo happy! From cake balls, to Mickey Mouse shaped chiclen nuggets I was just continuously becoming happy! I also had some wonderful Mexican Coke that was in a bottle and made with real sugar and absolutely smooth and delicious! I need to get me some!

Late night!

So I haven't blogged in a bit! I thought I would catch up :-) I'm just chilling in my basement right now after a long day at work. My friend brought me dinner at work and it was very nice :-) I worked with one of my favorite coworkers today! I'm watching an episode of Top Gear where they drive one of my dream cars, the Toyota Hilux, to the North Pole! It's cool. So I decided the other day that I know what kind of girl I'm going to marry. She'll be better than me at everything. I'll meet her while walking from a gym class, where she out performs me, to an engineering class, where she blows me away! She'll also be prettier, kinder, more spiritual, etc. And she'll be super conservative as in she will want to stay at home and rear children. And cook for me :-) hehe... oh I'm so girly! I'd settle for a girl who is only 60% better than me though.
Well I'm off!